11/28/2025: butchfemme realness (content warning: sexual topics)
i've been thinking about butchfemme dynamics recently (a lesbian thinking about lesbians, total shocker!), specifically what distinguishes butchfemme relationships from straight relationships. my points are purely from an outside perspective, i don't interact with the lesbian community enough to really consider myself butch/femme or to actually interact with butches and femmes, so idk take this with a grain of salt. i'm an amateur lesbian!
there's something so gnawingly beautiful about butchfemme relationships, so gorgeous and dazzling. it radically changes heteronormative relationship dynamics.
the protective, caring role of butches is so so different from the heteronormative role of men in straight relationships. butches protect their femmes with their femmes' autonomy in mind. butches want to carve out a space for their femmes to flourish, for their femininity to be taken seriously in a world where femininity is regarded as second to masculinity. butches' masculinity doesn't overpower femmes' femininity, rather their masculinity takes a supporting role.
man i thought i had more to this but my thoughts are gone. u_u i'll return to this rant later, i swear!
speaking of lesbianism, the more i cultivate awareness of what being lesbian means to me and how i want it to mean to me as i get older, the more safe i feel when i think of sex. sex is a very complicated topic for me, naturally for people who are/are perceived as women. it's very hard for me to enjoy thinking about sex or to masturbate when the idea of sex is very intertwined with patriarchy. patriarchy and men make me nauseous and dry! but recently, it's been nice to engage in lesbian spaces online and to find things that turn me on. like hell yeah i want a woman to treat me like a slut, among other things i'm too shy to name rn ... it genuinely brings me so much joy. it makes me so giddy thinking about rewriting my previous sexual experiences with things that i actually like!
i'm so excited for when i have my shit together (regarding my career and my mental state) so i can pursue romantic relationships with women. there's no way in hell a woman would look at me right now and think "yeah that's a good idea". >_>..... i'm happy fantasizing about women for now.
but yea :9 . that's all i wanted to say today. bye bye, viscerallesbian
11/27/2025: this is the first entry of my newly themed blog. it's super rudimentary for now, but i'm hoping that i'll make this website nicer once winter break starts.
it's been a rough month. i started a new medication, pristiq, for my depression at the start of the month, and it fucked me UP. i was more volatile, i isolated myself more, relapsed, etc. etc... it's been bad. i'm transitioning back to using lexapro instead because it did help, just not as much as i wanted it to.
i also started this intensive outpatient program at the recommendation of both my psychiatrist and therapist. it's been nice so far, there's coping skills they teach that i genuinely want to implement into my life, but it's been nerve wracking for me because it's a group therapy thing and everyone's a full-grown adult while i'm still 18. idk, it's weird being like "yeah finals are stressing me out" and everyone else has spouses and jobs. they're all really kind and supportive though; i just get really in my head about the dumbest things. :p
i'm hoping i utilize this blog more for self-expression. i've been really into drawing with more gorey/edgy/sexual themes lately, and i think it would be nice to post it here. before i changed the theme of this blog, i primarily wrote blog entries. it was nice and all, but it honestly felt depressing when all i'd post is entries about my declining mental health. i have so much to share outside of the negative parts of my life! i have opinions and thoughts and ideas and art that i want to lay bare!
not sure when i'll return, but i hope to write soon. love, viscerallesbian